A Feminist's Argument for NOT Working IN NERO

There are two species who will never understand each other in this life, and probably not in the next one either, or the one after that.

The Hourly Salaried Employee, (THE DIPENDENTE) and the Independent Worker (LIBERO PROFESSIONISTA). That is unless the hourly salaried employee is a Woman and the freelancer is a Man. In that case, you can throw everything I am about to say out the window because no matter what a man does it is considered Work.

Anyway, in Italy, it is almost NEVER the case that the woman is gainfully employed while the man works freelance, which is why I am writing this today.

I think about it almost daily, though, how thick your skin has to be to be a woman and do what I do in Italy. First, Italy has a particular working environment that I would not recommend to a foreigner. It breaks your heart too often to count.

For more on this, let me just give you some background information on the working situation and what contracts look like for women here.

I know there are so many things we can talk about on the subject, but I want to concentrate on just one.

My central message here today, Women (although I hope the Men are reading, I truly do), is no matter how strong the temptation, please do not work under the table. In Italian we call this working "in the black." We live in one of the most corrupt countries in the world and it is evident at all levels. Sometimes it is hard to reconcile paying so much of our hard-earned money to fund bad management. But we must.

Here are some reasons.

1. It is the Ethical thing to do. In Italy money changing hands is taxed. If you do not declare and pay taxes on the money you receive you are evading taxes.

Most of us are teachers and consultants. Teachers, in particular, must maintain a high moral standard. It is a position of trust. What are we communicating to our clients if we do not pay our taxes? "Please trust me, and pay me in cash so I can cheat the government and other taxpayers."

As a consultant one of my core values is transparency. If I do not pay my taxes, I am hiding something, and that is incongruent with this value. And for me that is not okay.

2. You never get credit for cash. Let me explain. Cash for services rendered is INVISIBLE in every way. Once you receive it, the money magically transforms into PIZZA, BEER, or BUS TICKETS.

And here is when it hurts. At the end of the fiscal year when you do your taxes. Remember you are always going to be compared to an Hourly Salaried Employee, so when it is time to do your taxes and figure out "How You Did" last year (in our case this means confronting, or, better, JUSTIFYING how much less we made before and after taxes than our salaried partner and why we do not just throw in the towel and "get a real job", not that we could), that cash that was so appealing in the first place is not counted.

I think only the Mafia keeps track of cash at the end of the year.

In your case that disappearing money leaves you looking like a professional loser to the Dipendente (who, paradoxically, may have ENCOURAGED you to work in the black-- it is no secret that most Italian Employees loath/envy those who work in nero and say they would do it if they could. Also, Working in Nero is always a family decision when it is the woman doing it). In the end, your tax record is the only one that really counts. There is no DIGNITY in working in nero. How can you see your progress as a professional and track it if you can't see the money you made (Remember, Cash is Hush Hush and invisible)?

3. Your clients will not respect you. Everyone likes to save money, so working in the black will always exist, but the person who does it is considered unprofessional. Even doctors do it here, but it leaves you with a bitter and suspicious feeling towards them. It is dishonest behavior, after all, which makes you question their professional judgement-- will it be based on personal interest or my well-being? Teachers who work in the black are expected to go to clients' houses, they get last-minute cancellations, and, prestige-wise, are at about the same level as any other kind of domestic worker (which almost do not exist in Italy because it has gotten so difficult to exploit them).

4. This is an inherently sexist country. Well, the whole world is, actually, but the underlying assumptions in Italy are that every hour that is not paid is, well, vacation. This applies only to women, however. A lot of the men who are my age here had mothers who did not work. As a consequence of this and the fact that their fathers probably did not respect the sacrifice the mom was making by staying home, the sons took some crazy ideas with them to our houses where they stay and fester and drive us nutso.

In practical terms, this means that Billed Hours have Value and Preparation Time and Follow-Up do not. Of course, if you do not prepare and follow up, you will not continue to get work. But expect the second you finish that class the expectation is that you get on the bus to come home and walk the dog, or go to the bank or run some other errand that the very busy Dipendente cannot because he is forever working in the office (much harder than you, and bringing home more than you, so please be at his beck and call).

Here is a concrete example. For every hour of teaching, there is another hour of preparation if you want to do a good job. Professional teaching gigs pay more per hour because they take that extra time into consideration (teaching in the black does not). There is usually follow-up bureacracy to do as well. But the Employee does not know this and will always assume that the hour you teach is important but the preparation is not because you are not getting paid expressly for that time. Another reason that Every hour you bill counts even more.

By the way, Business Trips you take as an independent will never be compensated in the same way as the "Trasferta" the dipendente gets (which is why he almost never travels, by the way. It costs the business a fortune and is reserved for the big bosses and outside consultants for exactly this reason).

This means your expenses will be paid, but you will not get anything extra. Try telling that to the Dipendente. He will not understand. Result: the Business Trip is also a Vacation. So schedule in an afternoon flight the day you plan to come home, because it doesn't matter how little you sleep while you are gone, it will be business as usual the second you come home. In many cases, expect to double up on the work at home to "pay back" for the extra dog walks, kid time, and cleaning that you missed.

Conclusion:
Working independently takes self-discipline, grit, and skin like teflon. The outside accolades are few and far between and even those closest to us may not recognize that what what we are doing is really work.

Our job satisfaction must be intrinsic-- as in We have to produce it Ourselves. This is why I spend a great amount of time (and it always gets me in trouble) volunteering. I believe, like Napoleon Hill, that pay must be in many forms besides money, otherwise you will always be underpaid.

But I am a woman working in Italy and being judged by a male employee default, so I feel a pronounced need to to produce accurate data with measurable results. And the only thing that can truly be measured in terms of any kind of "value," unfortunately, is money.

Do not deprive yourself of the one factor that everyone understands-- your yearly salary. You work hard for every penny you make. Declare it with a roar, even if it means you have to give some away. That is the nature of the beast. Own it. If you are consistent you can take comfort in the fact that if your taxes are going up every year, it is because you are increasing your business. And that is always good news.

Wrapping Up the Year

This morning I taught three adult English classes for my friend Erin who went home to the States for Christmas. It was the first lesson for all three groups so I could do what I wanted without having to feel guilty about getting them off track, and, since they hadn't met Erin yet, their expectations were still low. Phyoo!

Here was my lesson plan. Yes, Try it at home! Especially number 3. 

1. INTRODUCTIONS. Who are you? Are you on my list? What is your perception about YOUR English? Where are you and where do you want to go?
2. FLUENCY SOUP RECIPE. Which is basically what this is talking about.
3. MAIN LESSON: WRAPPING UP 2014. 

Step 1. Take a piece of paper.

You have 5 minutes. Make a list of all of your victories and/or achievements for 2014. Yes, all of them: Personal, Professional. Big, Small. For all year. GO!

Step 2. Conversation. (in pairs and then the group)

How was that experience? Were your victories mostly personal or work-related? You probably remembered the big ones first and the most recent ones and then as you wrote you may have remembered some from earlier in the year. Any victories you want to share with us?

The takeaway here is that it reminds you that 2014 was a year of 12 months and not just the most recent one.

Step 3. Go back to that piece of paper.

You have 5 minutes. Make a list of everything you learned in 2014. These can be concrete lessons (I learned how to CODE) or life lessons (I learned that it is possible to live without wearing a watch). GO!

Step 4. Discuss the results. Focus on the experience, then share the ones you found most profound. Or silly. Or strange. Or surprising.

Step 5. Go back to that piece of paper.

Imagine it is December 31, 2015. You had the BEST YEAR EVER. What happened during the course of the year? Give me 5 or 6 big things. They can be material/monetary, personal achievements, professional recognition, you decide.

Step 6. Stop. Now. Write down three or four values you want to focus on for 2015. Here are some ideas: Health, Family, Prosperity, Transparency, Friendship, Leadership, Trust. Put them in order of importance.

Step 7, What values did you focus on? How can you reconcile your list of desires for 2015 with those values? Example: I want to earn A GAZILLION EUROS so that I can have more and higher-quality time with MY FAMILY. See What I am getting at here? Give those desires some real significance so you can make them come true.

4. CONCLUSION: Parting thoughts? Teacher listens.

5. GOOD BYE AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

FOLLOW-UP TO MAIN LESSON. PREPARING FOR 2015. 
1. WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS FOR 2015. ALL OF THEM. THE YEAR IS LONG.
2. WRITE OUT THE MONTHS FROM JANUARY TO DECEMBER. LEAVE THREE OR FOUR LINES BETWEEN THEM. 
3. COPY YOUR GOALS IN THE MONTH YOU PLAN ON STARTING AND FINISHING THEM. 
4. CHECK YOUR PROGRESS EACH QUARTER. 

IN THE MEANTIME...For more of this kind of stuff, here is the place. 

2015 is going to be OUR YEAR, People!!  

Communicating with the Menu- Part 4 The Foreigner Friendly Menu- Maurizio and Sandro Serva

I am going to use Maurizio and Sandro Serva as my example for this post. These guys have what we call PERSONALITY. Very important, as we said earlier, to communicate this somehow, even when your chefs aren't there to do it themselves.

I choose the Servas today because they have a playfulness that comes out in their food and their menu that I appreciate.

Surprises transcend language, and they are very good at giving you the unexpected. They also pay attention to every detail and what it tells you. Just look at pictures of their food to get an idea. Take a look at photos of the restaurant. Perfection.

I want to concentrate on the Foreigner Friendly menu here. In this case, their menu was mainly in English because we were outside of Italy. However, there are tricks to making sure the menu communicates effectively, even in a foreign language.

When you are presenting your menu outside of your country, there are some important choices to make about translation.

1. I can't stress this enough, but please do not translate the menu into a language that is not yours. You are really taking a risk with how you will be perceived by your guest.

2. When choosing a translator, make sure you choose a good writer. This is different than a good translator. Some of the worst menus I have ever seen in English have been translated accurately by rotten writers.

3. Give your dishes the dignity they deserve. Keep them in the original language. Below that you may describe them. Try to add something more than just what the title gives you. Complement the original text rather than duplicate it in the foreign language.

4. Assume your guest is sophisticated. Here is an example taken directly from the Serva menu from the Summit.

L'uovo di carciofo 

the egg artichoke

A brilliant and modern interpretation of the classic Italian Artichoke omelet.

 

 

This is well done. I would not have translated the name of the dish (even if I did. I probably did not want to take any liberties since I did not know Maurizio and Sandro yet). Notice how the description gives all of the information the title translated does, plus something more.

 

This was the winning dish of the Summit, for me, by the way. Outstanding.

 

Communicating with the Menu Part 3-- The Menu that Sings

Pino Cuttaia**, La Madia

One of the differences between a high-level dining experience and eating out at so-so place is the emphasis on Who's Cooking. The higher the level, the more visibility the Chef has.

So the menu in some way must communicate the Chef. During the Summit, the real master of this art was Pino Cuttaia. As I mentioned in my last post, I did not have the chance to eat at the Capital Club when he was the guest chef during the Summit, but I did have a chance to translate his menu.

And it sang to me.

Here is how. Each dish had a story-- just a couple of lines to explain the origins and importance of the dish. He talked about his native territory, his grandma.

His words were lovely and he was so human that you felt like having a meal with him is literally that: having a meal with HIM. At his House. At his Table.

That is what a well written menu can do. Oh, I should mention that this explanation wasn't actually meant for the menu. It was for the RECIPE. Yes, a chef communicating to the people who would be making the food with him.

That is where excellent communication skills come in. Cuttaia communicates the Culture behind the dishes to everyone who comes into contact with them.

Communicating with the Menu Part 2: Meet Me at Armani

 

I was lucky to have some really amazing meals during my time working on the Italian Cuisine World Summit this year. While there are some stars of Italian Cuisine I have not yet had the honor to try (Pino Cuttaia and Enrico Bartolini come to mind and are certainly short-listed on my bucket list), I did get to form some ideas about what differentiates fine dining from just merely OKAY dining. I will get to the menu, too. I promise. Just stick with me here.

 

CREATING THE EXPERIENCE.

I had dinner at Armani Restaurant in Dubai. The experience starts from the moment you enter. No. EVEN BEFORE.

 

Did I mention it is located on the first floor of THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING? No need to be in the penthouse suite to be impressed. Burj Khalifa rocks. Plus you are going there for a reason other than taking an elevator to the top, and that is pretty chic if you ask me.

 

Every detail of the decoration is beautiful. I wanted to take a bite out of the chairs. I am not kidding. Everything looked like a finely wrapped chocolate. Dining there makes you feel like you won something. That Finally you are privy to what you Always Knew Existed but never got to partake in-- the life you Know you DESERVE.

 

Of course, it will have to end at some point. (Pro: you can change shoes, Con: I HATE MY MISERABLE LIFE!)

But, guess what. Armani knows that, too. And he feels for you.

So here is what he does to console you.

He and his inner circle of people who understand you make this an experience you will never forget.

1. He has you eating on golden plates with golden flatware.
2. He gives you the menu without the prices on it (if you are LUCKY enough to be a girl).
3. His servers give you elaborately detailed explanations for everything on the menu. The concept, the history, the procedure. It is always something you could never do at home.
4. Seeing into the kitchen is a GOOD thing here. It is located in the center of the restaurant and surrounded by glass walls.
5. Even with your back to the kitchen you can sneak a peak at 3-starred Niko Romito conferring with the others and overseeing important kitchen events. (PRO: What is not to like about watching Other People make YOU gorgeous food? CON: It is not a one-way mirror. Romito can see you, too, and may just call you out for being the Vegetarian who did not eat all of His creations).
6. More than one dessert at the end. And ice cream at the BEGINNING (pea flavored, really. Delicious).
7. The chef comes out to say hello. Hello, Niko. You want to kiss his hands, bow down to his people in gratitude. But no one else is doing that so you just act graciously.  There is always someone at the table who wants to give advice. Every time. That person is not me. Chef accepts comment with an understanding let's agree to disagree  nod.
8. Armani gives you presents when you leave. Like a wedding or a baptism. Boys get something in a bottle which is carefully wrapped in Armani wrapping paper (Thank God your grandma isn't here. She would save the paper and recycle it for Christmas). Girls get a single long-stemmed rose. The paper it is wrapped in says Armani/Flowers.
9. THEY GIVE YOU A MINIATURE VERSION OF THE MENU TO TAKE HOME. It is printed on mother-of-pearl cardstock. It is a treasure.

Now, THAT is how you communicate with a menu.

Why Americans Drink Capuccino After Dinner

Dear Italians, I want to share a little story with you. I hope this will help you understand where we are coming from a little better.

 

Once upon a time, before Starbucks came to every block in the United States...

 

there was a small town along the shores of Lake Michigan in Wisconsin called Racine. In the olden days, if it was your grandma's birthday you went to the fanciest place in town, the Corner House, for Prime Rib. Now, you Knew this was a Fancy Supper Club because even grandma got a "Cocktail" before dinner there. And by "Cocktail" I mean anything with Brandy in it, because that is the main ingredient in cocktails in Wisconsin. Gramma Jeane, never banal, had a "Dry Burbon Manhattan on-the-rocks-with-a-twist," however. This can be used as a tongue twister by those too young to actually drink them. In fact, from a young age, we practiced rattling it off fast, many times in a row while drinking our "Kiddie Cocktails" as we pulled the marascino cherries off the plastic sword resting on the rim of our glass with our teeth. Good times, people, when servers were called "waitresses" and "waiters".  Earth tones reigned and the lighting can best be described as "amber".

 

The other context clue that indicated you were in someplace special was the timing of the Coffee. At the Corner House, you ordered it AFTER you finished your Soup, Prime Rib, potato any way you like (except for fried, which is not sophisticated) which meant baked with sour cream, and salad with cottage cheese or, alternatively, spinach salad with hot bacon dressing.

 

Yes, coffee came after supper and the server would come back 4 or 5 times for a "warmer" while you sat around talking because no one was chasing you out to serve the next group of eaters (another fancy restaurant "thing").

 

THEN SOMETHING MAGIC HAPPENED!

 

I think it was around 1988.

 

THE CAPPUCCINO MACHINE ARRIVED.

 

This revolutionized Fancy Dinners FOREVER!

 

This large and noisy machine did make EXPRESSO (which is what we still call it), of course, but who would drink that crap? Too small for $1.75, no free refills and by the time you put enough sugar in it to make it drinkable it was a sludgy mess. And there seemed to be some sort of unwritten rule that said you were not allowed to put milk in it, so it was to be avoided.

 

CAPPUCCINO (when you said this word the heavens used to open up and the angels would start singing from on high) was another story.

 

It was still $1.75 and there were no refills, either. But it was DELICIOUS! Who KNEW that froth could taste so good? Is that a hint of COCOA in there?? Paying once for it just made it all the more CHIC and fancy. Again, a once a year affair.

 

Flash forward. We can get cappuccinos anytime we want now... but when we come to Italy, something special happens. We bounce back to high school and OUR FIRST CUP OF CAPPUCCINO. It is magic. We want to drink them all day because we can. And we do.

 

And who can blame us. Full with dinner or not, the Cappuccino tastes really good. It is like dessert for us. Yum.

 

I have lived here for many years now, but I do not judge my fellow Americans when they order a cappuccino after dinner. I even recognize the micro-expression the waiter elicits at the order. It is a mix between an eye roll and a wink of physical pain. But then he or she remembers that you are Americano or Tedesco, and they find it in their heart to forgive you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Communicating with a Menu Part 1

This article on NPR got me thinking about MENUS today. Specifically, it talks about the Language you use on the menu and what it says about the type of restaurant you are probably in.

I have a pretty good idea of what lower-level restaurant language looks like as these are the kinds of places I most often go to when I am in the States. They are the restaurants where BREAKFAST is served all day and you can get a patty melt or a French dip-- the so-called family restaurant, or, if I am lucky, the DINER. You know what this kind of menu looks like: LOTS of oversized laminated pages,  innacurate pictures of the food and a fizzing red cup of Coca-Cola or a steaming mug of hot coffee. Words like "savory," "mouth-watering", "served on a bed of iceberg lettuce,"  "build your own," and "griddle" are also solid indicators that you are in this type of place.

But you know all of this already. At least I hope you do, because if you do not have this culture, how can you TRULY appreciate the HIGHER-level restaurant that we will be talking about in my next post?

Yes, Reader. I want to talk about what makes a menu special in a really nice restaurant, say, the place you go once a year on GRANDMA's birthday and the meal is on HER. The kind of place where you start with a cocktail and END with a cup of coffee rather than drink it all during the meal.

I am going to use some of the menus I collected during the Summit to talk about what makes a menu part of the experience of eating out, and, at the same time, talk about what really makes a foreigner-friendly menu. We will use our Italian Michelin-starred chefs for inspiration.

Random Tips for Chefs going International *

1. There is marketing strength in numbers.

Get to know other chefs. Do kick-ass events with them. Tell people about it! We love chefs who are team players. It is a great way to increase your network and viability.

2. Learn English well.

 It is not too late. The time you spent on it in the past was not wasted. Yes, you ARE a "language person". Need encouragement? Tell me, I believe in YOU!

3. Don't be a snob or a person who is not Really a snob but just acts like one.

I know you are a genuinely wonderful person, I do! The more popular you get, however, the more people will want to be in your divine presence. It is part of the Experience. If you are shy you may be perceived as cold or arrogant. Try smiling as a default expression. Talk to everyone who visits your restaurant, not just the VIPs. They are your guests, not invaders of your territory.

I do not remember faces well, so I have developed my own compensation technique you can try. Treat EVERYONE as if you went to middle school with them and haven't seen them since. It works. Never say "pleased to Meet you," but "Nice to See you." ;)

4.  Cultivate a positive and abundant relationship with time.

 Really. This one is worth it. Stop feeling like you are always late, there is no time, etc. Repeat the mantra below as many times per day as needed until you start believing it. Trust me. Not having time is an unconscious choice that you can deliberately change.

 "I have all the time I need to do what I need to do." Try it.

5. The first time, people come for the food, but they COME BACK because of YOU and YOUR PEOPLE.

CULTIVATE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

And have a nice weekend.



*When I say you are "going international" it does not mean you have to necessarily GO anywhere. It just means you are ready to communicate with the wider world.

BIO RULES FOR CHEFS PART 2

Here are some things to keep in mind.

1. Don't worry about it being too long.

My example was a little much for most uses. I can cut off the fat (so to speak) depending on my needs.

2. The best bios have a little personality in them.

We will explore this concept further in an upcoming post. Facts are boring (that is what you CV is for) without a little personal context. What makes you tick, Chef?

We love underdog stories. (This means we love it when losers win). Most success stories have a large dose of disadvantage in them. Tell us about it!

3. Stay away from the poetic.

The worst bios are the ones in the form of a quotation where someone else does a pretentiously close reading of your oeuvre. Worse, when it ends with a dash and their name as if this is the quote of the century.

"This Biograhical approach  makes one vomit to death from the pretension."
- Karoline Steckley
(1973-1 minute ago)

4. Language. Follow the KISS rule (which stands for "KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID" Or "KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET" or "KEEP IT SHORT AND SIMPLE". You decide). If you are going international, remember the plight of the translator. those glorious idiomatic expressions and overused clichés do not hold up in other languages.

For proof of this just translate this page using the translate button in the side bar to ANY LANGUAGE OTHER THAN ENGLISH and see what it does with the word "underdog". Also, the text will sound like Tarzan wrote it.

5. "Done is better than perfect."

That is a quote hanging on the actual wall of FACEBOOK. I hear Mark Zuckerburg lives by it and I could not agree more.

And THAT is what I have to say about your bio.

A TASTE OF MY OWN MEDICINE, CHEFS! WRITING THE BIO

PLEASE SEND YOUR BIO IN ENGLISH AND A HIGH-RES PHOTO.

This is exactly what I asked my chefs to do in English before the Summit in Dubai. Some of them did it right away because they had the info ready. Others took a little longer. Sometimes they would send me a Resumé and ask me to do it. Well, I decided to try it myself. Just write a few lines to describe myself professionally. 

What I expected and what actually came out were completely different. I wanted to concentrate on the NOW and tell people exactly what I do (what the hell do I do again?)  but instead what I was longing to write was how I got here. So I did that instead.

I started with a sentence that would talk about the past, the present and the future all at the same time. Those are my favorite kinds of introductory sentences in books, too. 

Here is what came out. 



KAROLINE STECKLEY

From a young age I wanted to communicate with the world. I knew that I would have to leave my small town in the midwestern United States to do that. I could not wait. I worked from the time I legally could (age 13) and put money aside to pay for a year abroad. I spent my final year of high school as a Rotary Exchange Student in Belgium. It was the year that determined the course of my life. 

I went back to the States after a year and started University. I graduated in French Language and Literature in three and a half years (six months ahead of schedule). For the first two years of school I had up to three jobs at a time before getting a better paying job at a bank which allowed me to pay for my rent and expenses. Convinced that education would be my key to success, I earned a Masters Degree in Foreign Language and Literature two years later. I taught French language at the same University while I studied. The teaching experience helped me get my first teaching job at a college prepatory independent high school nearby just before graduation. I won a grant from the National Endowment for the Humanities to study Francophone literature in Senegal the next summer. It opened up my world again. After three years of teaching language and literature, I decided to leave that job to move to Brazil and perfect my Portuguese and study the link between Brazil and Africa. Teaching skills are portable, so I took them with me. When I felt satisfied with my language level, I went back to the States and started a new adventure teaching Middle School and High School French at a Prep School in New England. 

I moved to Italy two years later and have been here now for eleven years. For the last four I have been the director of a 50-year old non-profit library and language school with over 60 active volunteers. My proudest achievements there have been founding a Children's Library in 2010 and a Women's Space in 2014. In my consulting career I have helped many small and medium-sized companies communicate better to an international audience. My working life has been a constant evolution and hugely satisfying result of applying my strengths in writing, teaching, leadership and language to different contexts. Self-reliance, curiosity, courage, and resilience drive my boldest decisions. Empathy and the desire to connect with people from everywhere and all walks of life give my work lasting value. 

GRAMMA'S GOT A TABLET

It is never too late to be a late adopter. That is the good news.

My mother-in-law just bought a tablet. She does not have a smart phone. No. She is still using Your First Nokia (and it still works. Bless it!) with the default Nokia ringtone  She does not have Wi-Fi ("Did you say HI-FI?! Oh yes I DO!"). She has a vague idea of what the internet is. But she bought one anyway. Did I mention she shuns text messages as too complicated?

So what is it about the tablet that attracts even the closest of the closed minded? I will tell you, Dear Reader:

It is the photo finger swipe. Who doesn't remember having photo finger swipe envy before going Smart? That was Ages ago.

But even techno-phobe Nonna has her breaking point. See, it took a 4-year-old photo-finger-swiper to convince her that the jump is possible. Was it the latest swimming class footage that did the trick? It is hard to know.

Here are the reasons she herself gives:
"Sometimes I have a hard time spelling certain words when I do Crossword puzzles".
"When I am watching TV I want to look things up"
"I want to read books"
"I figured I could make some movies on it"
"I saw one for 99 euros and I thought I would buy it but I wanted to ask you first".

At any rate it was time to branch out. Training begins tomorrow night. We are putting the 4-year-old in charge.

AVOID SCOUNDRELS

Unless you are Princess Leia and that scoundrel is Han Solo. All the rest of us should just plain run the other way!

My two books of reference for today's post are: THE MILLIONAIRE NEXT DOOR and THE NO-ASSHOLE RULE (in Italian it is called Il Metodo Anti-Stronzi).

The first, you will remember, is a study of American millionaires and what they have in common. When I first read it in about 1996 it was a personal revolution as I realized that what you see is not necessarily how things are. The second is a Harvard Business School study about how much it costs a company in economic terms to hire and keep an asshole in the office. 

This weekend I was talking to a friend about how badly morale has suffered at his work since they hired a new director three years ago. He talked about how a once productive and usually happy group of people have become sullen and less productive. Even he dreads going to work now.

Scoundrels come in many forms. They bully and threaten and scare you and look for any reason to put a letter on your file or not pay you. I am taking what I have learned from these two books and bundling them with my own observations and those I have collected from friends to create a list of warning signs of people you should avoid working with if you can. This list is not by any means exhaustive. Many of these we know instinctively, but when you work with scoundrels you lose your courage. Hopefully this list will help you put things back into perspective. 

If you see yourself in any of these, please, by all means. CHANGE IMMEDIATELY!

SCOUNDRELS:

1. Talk badly about suppliers (convinced they are paying for more than they are getting in return). 

2. They mistrust people in general. 

3. They have a difficult time creating a team that sticks with them for any amount of time. 

4. Short-term vision. Poor planning. 

5. See time as scarce rather than abundant. For this reason they "never" have time and are "always late." They transmit their panic to others, even through electronic devices! 

6. They treat those they perceive as more important in the hierarchy well and those below them badly.

7. They talk about company money as their own as in "This is costing ME a fortune." But not in the Warren Buffet kind of way of paying attention to the company bank account as if it were your own. 

8. Are ostentatious (questionable business trips, fancy cars).

9. Frivolous spending in the name of saving money. 

10. Are often paranoid. 

11. Have a tendency to micro manage (can't manage myself, so I will over-manage YOU!). 

12. Very interested in titles and take great pride in their paper prestige.

13. Self doubt and insecurity disguised as over confidence.

14. Have a bad reputation (shoot. I should have put this one first!). 

15.  Make promises and excuses. 

16. Victim mentality.

17. Believe that giving compliments shows weakness.

18. Interested in APPEARANCES.

19. Insulting to others. 

20. Use an outdated Facebook photo that no longer resembles them.

21.  Are poor managers of time/ resources/ self. 

22. Think they are more clever than everyone else. 

23. Are constantly reinventing the wheel at work rather than learning from previous experience. 

24. Are convinced that no one can properly understand them and their work because they are SO complicated. 

25. Give and accept favors. 

26. Avoid confrontation. 

and finally, my personal favorite:

27. When they enter a room, people leave. 

If MEN were in the MINIMI

I know a lot of people who have opened up their tax position in Italy to do freelance work. There are different types of these but it is easiest to divide them into two types.

1. The Tax position for low earners (who are also young, which in Italy means up to 35 years old). This is called the Regime dei Minimi and it is supposed to encourage entrepreneurialism for the young and unemployed.

2. The regular tax position which we are all generally afraid of because you pay taxes constantly, you pay them ahead, you pay them behind, you pay them during, and you never know how much of what you earn you can actually spend.

After you have been in the low-earner category for a while (under 30.000 euros annually gross), you automatically get booted into the second category (this is my case). Now, according to my accountant, for this tax position to make sense, I would have to earn roughly DOUBLE what I did last year. Hmm. Well, hey-- it's only the BEGINNING of December, right?!! There's TIME!

Well almost everyone else I know who has a tax position is in the first category (at least for now-- evil laugh). Interesting, they are ALL women. Which is great, no? Women entrepreneurs? In charge of their destiny? Rock on, ladies!

Then I thought. Wait a minute. All of these women are in the low-earning category. Hmm. And. Where are the MEN in the MINIMI? Are there any? Of course there are!

Apparently Italian MINERS are perfect candidates! 

But really, I have this terrible suspicion that those low-earning men with the same qualifications and education (or less, frankly) are actually in job positions as proper employees and getting the benefits that the rest of us do not.

This is not a new rant for me. I talked about it on my old blog here  By the way that post remains the most popular one there so apparently it struck a chord.

So the question of the day is: WHAT IF MEN WERE IN THE MINIMI?? *

I am sure the First thing that would change is the name. Surely it would become the Regime dei MAXIMI and it would be a fist-bumping, towel-snapping, ego-boosting competition between colleagues about how little time it takes to get to the Top of the category rather than sheepishly taking less work in order to stay within the limits (usually by a long shot).

I'm just saying. Maybe in the new year we need to be thinking MAXIMI rather than MINIMI. What do you think, girls?

By the way, for those of you in my advanced age range, you may get the reference to Gloria Steinem. If not, there is definitely time to get schooled. The article is called: If Men Could Menstruate. 

Highly recommended.

Reacting to a Crisis Situation: Leader or Loser?

I have been keenly aware lately of how people react when they are faced with a situation that doesn't go the way they expect.

I noticed it in stressful working situations in Dubai and now even closer to home.There seem to be two kinds of people in my life: those who deal with the problem outright and those who freeze and look for who is to blame. We cannot all work well under pressure, granted, but if you know you are going to be facing some, try to avoid the second type.

Here are the vital characteristics I now know make strong leaders.
1. Long-Term Vision.
2. Problem-Solving skills

Not everyone needs to be THE leader, but it is good to be surrounded by people with good leadership skills, because they are the ones you count on when times get tough and when things are going well and you want to grow your organization. Find and cultivate a team of them. Treat them like gold.

People who make good plans but react badly in a crisis situation are a little bit like smart people. The world is full of them, but that doesn't mean they get anything done. This is where the Long-Term Vision comes in. When you can't see the long-term outcome, those small glitches seem even more devastating than they really are and can provoke that primal need to save face and throw the nearest person under the bus, as they say.

Here is an example of a work situation. Let's say something important does not get done. Perhaps a meeting room doesn't get booked for an important meeting, an email does not get sent to a key person on time, an invitation gets lost in the shuffle. When these mistakes come to light, they make everyone in the organization look bad.

The difference between a leader and a loser, though, is in the next step. How we handle this information.

Here are the rules of thumb I have picked up over the years.

1. Listen and fully understand the problem.

One of the worst things you can do is react before knowing what the problem really is. Talk directly to the source. Don't rely on heresay. Have you read Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman? He says to always remember this: WYSINATI (What you see is not all there is). Always assume that there are bits of information that you do not have yet. Get that information.


2. Apologize even if it is not your fault.

What does it cost you to hear someone and acknowledge their situation? Nothing. Does it make you look like you are at fault? No. What it DOES do is make you look like a human being who cares. This is a cultural battle I will wage until my last breath. The Italians say you should never apologize because it will put you at a disadvantage and people will use it against you. This is almost never true.

Although, if you get in a car accident with a bus in Italy, I recommend you NOT apologize because then you are admitting fault (yes, this happened to me and I paid for it. No one was hurt).

3. Say what you are going to do about it.

This is the best way to calm people down and divert attention away from the crisis itself. Don't waste your time or theirs blaming other people (that is what losers do. But you, my friend, are a leader!). Instead, describe how you will solve the problem. In a crisis silence is everyone's enemy.

4. Do what you say you are going to do.

That's right. Get to it. Solve it. Make the problem better.

5. Follow-up.

Tell the person who was wronged. They will appreciate this attention. Again, even if the problem was not your fault, you come out looking like the hero that you are. They may even become your friends.

6. Don't rub salt in the wound.

At this point, it is okay to talk to the person who made the mistake if you haven't already. But, please, talk to them on the same level so that it can be used as a learning experience. Explain the problem and what you did to fix it. Doing anything other than describing the facts makes you look like an arrogant jerk and is a guarantee that the next big mistake will be yours and it will be rubbed very squarely in your face for a long time to come.

Breaking Up with the Past

Before I went to Dubai I felt this overwhelming need to get rid of things. Throw things away. Dump them. I realize now that this was a kind of breaking up with my past. My long lost distant path that was supposed to take me to a completely different destination but instead brought me here.

I took what had up until that point been my prized posessions. My books. The ones I carried with me from house to house all through my university years, the books that would be my home decoration of choice (Warms up the place! So cozy, a place full of books! I love having a LIBRARY!) and put them into 7 garbage bags (they weren't light either. Heavy like dead bodies, which I only know because I know how much live bodies weigh) and I brought them one at a time down to the dumpster.

I pitched them. I mean, I put them into the paper recycling bin, which felt more humane.

I emptied the bags so that passers by could see them and pick at them. One guy did. He took one and then got embarassed when he saw me see him. I wanted to say TAKE MORE! But I walked away hoping he would when I got out of sight.

I think I heard my heart cry.

But something propelled me back to the apartment to repeat the process over and over again until the bags were gone and the bookshelves looked, gulp, ORDERLY.

Most of my books were in French. That was part of the reason they were so precious to me. They were a link to my year in Belgium as a high school Rotary exchange student, to my first time in Europe, to my first taste of autonomy, to the University where I became a really good student for the first time because I had the advantage of already being fluent in the language. Plus I loved reading and writing in French. I majored in French literature. My other books were in Portuguese, the other language I chose and loved. Those books were a link to the Brazilians I met in Belgium (sigh!), my amazing teacher at the University and the very courageous time in my life when I quit my job to move to Brazil and learn the language better.

 When I bought them, foreign books were really expensive and (I started university in 1991) the internet was still not using windows. I am not kidding, websites were all text and you used DOS commands to get there (not that I was an early adopter or anything, but, okay, I guess I was). So books were kind of a big deal. I guess they still are for some people. To put things into perspective, I was still writing people letters on paper in those years. We had PEN PALS back then. Peter Hass, you know what I am talking about. Paper was king. And the WAIT to get a letter back and write send another one (The anticipation I now feel at a nearly unhealthy cronic level with What'sapp)!

And touching paper is still a big deal. Who doesn't love the feel of a leather bound book? The silky feeling of a really nice softback cover?

But those shelves were weighing me down. They were a constant reminder that I had changed my mind. That I hadn't quite gotten to where I had meant to go. That I stopped short.

I lugged those things with me all the way over the ocean to sit on my shelves here and say "nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah" every time I passed them (I couldn't always hear them. I am very good at distracting myself).

What made me give up my old life and my old possibilities and my old career path to come to Italy and start over eleven years ago? Actually, that part is the easy bit to explain.

What made me stay?  That is the tough question. When you leave your home country you have to start all over again as a NOBODY. You spend a long time wondering what you did for the first most of your life (you actually go through a sort of amnesia. You forget basic things about your old life) and why.

The hardest part is that nobody here cared AT ALL what I had accomplished in my old life. What I had studied. What I spoke. In fact, come to think of it, they still don't. What has changed is that I finally JUST NOW got the feeling that I have reached a point where all of my experiences at home, abroad and here have come together to make me go just a little bit further than I probably could have gone had I NOT moved.

It only took eleven years, but it was time to break with the past. I guess I could have accomplished the same by cutting my hair. But it is already short.

This all came back to me today (I have never once regretted this decision, although when I have told people it has caused them visible pain) when I was looking at my shelves for the Betty Crocker cookbook (which I kept) and I realized there was one book I did not part with.
The Catcher in the Rye. Damn. I think I have read it about 30 times. Usually once a year. And the cover is that silky soft kind of having replaced the original because it fell apart.

And it made me feel a little happy and sad at the same time. I am still in touch, I guess, with the 13-year-old me.

Tis The Season For Board Meetings

Can someone explain to me why in official Italian meetings they have TWO convocations and the first one is just a formality? I have two Board Meetings the week of the 15th. In the first meeting, it is just a board meeting and the time is precise (8:00pm sharp!). Of course this is the International School of Trieste (Americans rules).

The first convocation of the second board meeting (Associazione Italo Americana, run by Americans using Italian rules) is on the 19th at 5:00pm,with the second convocation at 5:30pm, and the general assembly at 6:00pm. Why not just put the meeting directly at 5:30 followed by the general assembly? We all know that anyone who comes at 5:00 will have to wait until 5:30 anyway. I don't get it.

You see this with condo meetings as well. Please explain, pretty please.

Lessons from the Chefs

I have been gone, dear Reader. I have been with the Chefs. I have been following them, organizing them, studying them. And I have learned a few things that I think I need to share with you now.

I am back to communicating for myself again. By the way, these are not in order of importance.

1. Going out to dinner with the chefs is SUBLIME. They are FUN. They CHOOSE! They ORDER ONE OF EVERYTHING THAT LOOKS INTERESTING! They are not picky. They sniff, they devour. They get excited, they squeal with joy. I LOVE EATING OUT WITH the chefs. My favorites to eat with from this trip were: Chef Aira Piva and Chef Maurizio Lazzarin. Bless you for going veggie with me.

2. Looks matter. Pay attention to detail. Make things beautiful.

3. Have you ever seen anyone really love what they do? Chefs are happy when they are cooking. Giorgio Giambelli was my Italian mother. Walter Potenza too. They love feeding people.

4. An invitation into the kitchen is the highest compliment. Thank you, Chefs, for letting me in!

5. Take pride in your uniform. My chefs Salvatore Bianco and Pasquale Palamaro even wore their chef jackets to a RADIO interview. I loved that!

6. Communication is fundamental. The briefing meeting with the staff. The photos of the food. The website. The press materials. The conversation with the people eating the food. Yes, even food must be communicated to have a rich and full effect.

7. If you use the products from your territory, the food is authentic. I learned that from an interview with Marco Sacco. He also encourages you to use a wooden spoon when you make risotto. He says the grains of rice don't like the sound of metal on metal any more than we do (that was during a master class he taught).

8. You can't make good food with bad ingredients. I learned that from Igor Macchia.

9. You can strip a food down to it's elements and discover flavors you never knew were hidden in there. I learned that from Niko Romito and his Artichoke upon Artichoke experiment. I also learned from him that making something simple can take a lot of time.

10. I learned that food should be full of surprises. That was from Maurizio and Sandro Serva. They surprised me with an egg inside an artichoke. Blew me away. Rosanna Marziale has surprises coming out of balls of buffalo mozzarella (campana dop!!).

11. Good chefs plan ahead. They are organized. They are calm. I noticed this in Lionello Cera. Enrico Bartolini does not cook with a watch, he told me. Instead, he moves with magnetic calm. You just want to follow him.

13. I learned from Claudio Sadler that rice al dente is preferable to overcooked. That goes for pasta too.

14. Chefs love to hang out together. Their restaurants may be competitors, but that doesn't change anything. They eat each other's food. They visit each other. They cheer each other on. There is comraderie there. I loved hanging around with the women Michelin-starred Chefs: Rosanna Marziale, Patrizia Di Benedetto, Antonella Ricci (Ok, Vinod, too, even if he is not a girl), Marianna Vitale. You girls rock!

Makes you want to be a chef. And if you can't do that, at least document them in some way.