FAQ 4 CAN I SPEAK A FOREIGN LANGUAGE WITH MY KIDS EVEN IF I AM NOT A NATIVE SPEAKER?

Of course you can. The trick is to make it a positive experience for your child. To do that you must concentrate on sharing your Love and Enthusiasm for the language. The opposite would be “tricking” your child into thinking you are a native speaker (I have seen this happen. Not pretty) and creating a pseudo target language environment because you think it’s going to give the kid a better chance at a job later. That would be manipulative and you will be found out.

The people who seem to have the most success sharing their foreign language with their children are the ones who learn together and/or dedicate specific times to working on or speaking the language together. This may mean watching films together in the language, listening to children’s radio programs in the target language (Kids Public Radio in English, for example) and having certain times of the day where they speak the language together-- the walk home from school, for example, or while you are getting the table set for dinner, you decide.

The only time I saw things go terribly wrong was when the non-native parent was sneaky about it.  She was a foreign language teacher, so the language was important to her and she wanted to save her daughter the pain of having to learn it like she did. Her heart was in the right place. So she created the immersion atmosphere at home.  Fine. She had all of the Disney films in the target language (they were videocassettes back then). Fine. She spoke to her child only in that language. Fine, but at some point she should have EXPLAINED to her what she was doing. She did not. The daughter eventually figured out her mother was not a native and it was all a hoax. Man, was she pissed! 

Be prepared for rebellion. 

Be open about it too. Explain why you going against the grain. If you put your kid in a school taught in a different language like I did (I speak English to my daughter, husband speaks Italian, she goes to school in Slovene), the questions will come immediately. Mine looked like this:

Why did you put me in this different school when everyone else is speaking my language?

Why are You talking to me in this funny language when I Know that with daddy you speak a different way?

You have to answer. 

Explain the advantage you are giving them. If you are passionate about languages and you want your child to be passionate about them, give every bit of reason to love the language(s) as much as you do by traveling, and enjoying the culture, getting to know other people in that language. Show that languages are about people and making friends. 

I did my best to answer my daughter. I said, “It’s good for your brain development, honey!” and “Your grandparents used to speak Slovene, dear, and Mommy is just stealing back the language that was stolen from you!”

Blank stare. Not convinced. I told her that she should stick it out and see how it goes. She did.

Then Carnevale came along and, as we always do, we went up to the Slovene part of town to celebrate. My husband and I and my daughter dressed up like the three little pigs. We walked from house to house getting treats, singing and dancing in the streets (we also drank wine). At lunch time there were two accordions and a guitar. They played all of the Triestino classics, in Slovene. Eva knew all of the songs. They were the ones that she had learned in Pre-School. Joy.

She sang her heart out that day. In Slovene.

Later that week she did one of those things you thought only adults do: she took me aside, like she was going to tell me a little secret.

“Mommy. NOW I understand why you put me in that school. It was for Carneval! So I could sing all the songs. Now I know why.”

"Yes, that is exactly right," I agreed with her.

FAQ 3 I AM TRYING TO SPEAK ITALIAN BUT MY HIGH SCHOOL FRENCH KEEPS COMING OUT. WHY?

Another variation: I am trying to speak English but German keeps coming out. In other words:

I am trying to learn a foreign language but words from the other languages I have studied come to mind instead of the ones I want. Why is that?

Sometimes when we try to learn another language we have the perception that other languages we have studied “get in the way”. When my brother came to visit me for the first time in Italy, he complained that French words he learned in High School were coming out, and there is a good reason for that.

 It is like your brain is saying: “Hmm we have to get used to a new situation here, and my native language just isn’t going to cut it” and  it goes looking for anything that is NOT your native language. It might be the French you learned in High School, for example. If this happens to you, it is a good sign.

 

It means that your brain knows to suppress your native language and, by the way, it is THIS skill that differentiates bilingual speakers from monolinguals and is responsible for all the benefits of foreign language that we read about: faster thinking, pushing off Alzheimers, etc.

 

In my brother’s case, he was lucky because that French probably helped him somewhat with his Italian because they are both Romance languages. As a general rule, if you THINK you understand a word because it reminds you of a word you learned when you were studying a different language, 99% of the time you are  going to be right.

 

So don’t worry about your other language. It may seem like an obstacle, but it is not. It can and will help you, and if you are able to suppress your native language already, you are in great shape to becoming a fluent speaker in your language of choice. Embrace it!

FAQ 2 DOES IT MATTER IF MY TEACHER IS NOT A NATIVE SPEAKER?

To this I say absolutely not, especially if your teacher is fluent and has the cultural knowledge of the language because he or she studied abroad, or at least spent some time there. Most language teachers have, because it is the easiest way to get fluent, and if you are not fluent, why would you want to teach it? 

Listen. I hate to tell you this, but you are NOT going to get your teacher’s accent. It just doesn’t work that way. We pick up our accent from those around us and then we mix that with our own habits of pronunciation that we bring with us from other languages. This is also true for children. If you want them to have a perfect accent in a language, put them in situations with native speakers their age.

Non-native speakers have the added benefit of having learned the language themselves, so they may have some tricks that a native does not. They may also hold you to a higher standard and not let you get away with making the typical mistakes that non-natives make. A good teacher will know you better than you know yourself and push you in a way that you might not expect but which allows you to achieve a high level in the language. That is also a bonus.

The fun part of learning a language is the culture. So you want to have a teacher who can share that with you. And please let the teacher be fun and exciting-- a teacher who is going to make you Love the language. Just because a teacher is a native does not mean that he or she will be a good teacher.

I would MUCH rather have a non-native speaker who is excellent than a native speaker who is a bore. How about you?

FAQ 1 I TOOK A LANGUAGE IN HIGH SCHOOL. HOW COME I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING I LEARNED? IS IT MY TEACHER’S FAULT?

People who took language in high school often feel this way. It’s the teacher’s fault they didn’t learn, or it's the teacher's fault for not being a native speaker. I am here to tell you that it is not the teacher’s fault. It is not Your fault, either. You just didn’t have enough contact with the language. 

There are lots of different ideas about how long it takes to really learn a language but the one I tend to go with is this: if you are lucky enough to be in the foreign country when you are doing it, it will take you about a month to have the first big click with the language, this means you have a concrete feeling or flash or moment of clarity when you realize that you understand a lot and can speak. You are not going ot be perfect of course, but that is the first conscious jump. 

To get that click without living in a foreign country you will need about 500 hours of contact with the language, which does not necessarily mean being with a teacher (if it did, I would be rich).This can mean any kind of contact with the languae like listening to the radio or writing, reading, watching films. Any of those things contribute to the contact hours you need to have with the language. 

If you think about a typical class at a language school, you might meet once a week for two hours for the entire academic year, so maybe forty weeks. That seems like a lot, but  it will never get you to the next level in language. If you want to do that, you must give yourself a lot more than what you can get from the class alone. 

To do that, look for as many ways as you can to use the language in everyday life. This way you are not adding hours to the day, but you ARE adding contact with the language. Some easy examples are : putting your phone in the target language (every time you look at your phone you are getting contact with the language, yes 5 seconds at a time is still better than zero seconds!), and watching at least a movie a week in the target language. You can intensify the experience by putting the subtitles in the target language as well. Download an app to your phone like memrise or duolingo. That way you can practice when you have dead time, like on the bus or in line at the grocery store. 

In conclusion, if you took language in high school and then did nothing more with it but have the burning desire to get fluent some day, that time is not lost! You will see that once you put yourself back in contact with the language, a lot of things will come back to you, and quickly. 

Even if you are rusty at first, remember that the initial contact was made, so the the info is still there and waiting to wake up. Think muscle memory when you run long distance. Even if you take an extended amount of time off, you Never go back to zero. 

You Ask me, I answer You!

People ask me lots of questions about learning foreign language and helping their kids do it, too. I am going to answer them for you in a series of ten posts. Ready? Here we go.

What is an Expert?

What most people think experts are.

1. Chosen by a supreme authority.
2. Has read a secret catalogue that the rest of us have no access to.
3. Is more "authentic" than the rest of us.
4. Has a piece of paper stating that they are an expert.
5. Is generally and unquestionably considered one.
6. Is different than the rest of us.
7. Something we can never be because we are stupid, ignorant, not worthy, an impostor.

Here is my definition:

An Expert:
1. Thinks about something a lot more than than the rest of us do.
2.  Is confident about sharing her unique experience and perspective on a certain subject.
3.  Has made a conscious decision to be the best of the best at what she does.
4.  Is naturally curious and uses her resources to gather knowledge and share it.
5.  Is good at marketing.

There is no magic here. And it's not like we all have some kind of talent at something and we just need to find it.

No way. Haven't you noticed that SOME PEOPLE are just GOOD AT EVERYTHING?
It is a decision and a commitment. It is no accident. Those people have figured out how it works and apply it to everything.

We can too. Let's get off of our keisters, people, and get back to work.

A Feminist's Argument for NOT Working IN NERO

There are two species who will never understand each other in this life, and probably not in the next one either, or the one after that.

The Hourly Salaried Employee, (THE DIPENDENTE) and the Independent Worker (LIBERO PROFESSIONISTA). That is unless the hourly salaried employee is a Woman and the freelancer is a Man. In that case, you can throw everything I am about to say out the window because no matter what a man does it is considered Work.

Anyway, in Italy, it is almost NEVER the case that the woman is gainfully employed while the man works freelance, which is why I am writing this today.

I think about it almost daily, though, how thick your skin has to be to be a woman and do what I do in Italy. First, Italy has a particular working environment that I would not recommend to a foreigner. It breaks your heart too often to count.

For more on this, let me just give you some background information on the working situation and what contracts look like for women here.

I know there are so many things we can talk about on the subject, but I want to concentrate on just one.

My central message here today, Women (although I hope the Men are reading, I truly do), is no matter how strong the temptation, please do not work under the table. In Italian we call this working "in the black." We live in one of the most corrupt countries in the world and it is evident at all levels. Sometimes it is hard to reconcile paying so much of our hard-earned money to fund bad management. But we must.

Here are some reasons.

1. It is the Ethical thing to do. In Italy money changing hands is taxed. If you do not declare and pay taxes on the money you receive you are evading taxes.

Most of us are teachers and consultants. Teachers, in particular, must maintain a high moral standard. It is a position of trust. What are we communicating to our clients if we do not pay our taxes? "Please trust me, and pay me in cash so I can cheat the government and other taxpayers."

As a consultant one of my core values is transparency. If I do not pay my taxes, I am hiding something, and that is incongruent with this value. And for me that is not okay.

2. You never get credit for cash. Let me explain. Cash for services rendered is INVISIBLE in every way. Once you receive it, the money magically transforms into PIZZA, BEER, or BUS TICKETS.

And here is when it hurts. At the end of the fiscal year when you do your taxes. Remember you are always going to be compared to an Hourly Salaried Employee, so when it is time to do your taxes and figure out "How You Did" last year (in our case this means confronting, or, better, JUSTIFYING how much less we made before and after taxes than our salaried partner and why we do not just throw in the towel and "get a real job", not that we could), that cash that was so appealing in the first place is not counted.

I think only the Mafia keeps track of cash at the end of the year.

In your case that disappearing money leaves you looking like a professional loser to the Dipendente (who, paradoxically, may have ENCOURAGED you to work in the black-- it is no secret that most Italian Employees loath/envy those who work in nero and say they would do it if they could. Also, Working in Nero is always a family decision when it is the woman doing it). In the end, your tax record is the only one that really counts. There is no DIGNITY in working in nero. How can you see your progress as a professional and track it if you can't see the money you made (Remember, Cash is Hush Hush and invisible)?

3. Your clients will not respect you. Everyone likes to save money, so working in the black will always exist, but the person who does it is considered unprofessional. Even doctors do it here, but it leaves you with a bitter and suspicious feeling towards them. It is dishonest behavior, after all, which makes you question their professional judgement-- will it be based on personal interest or my well-being? Teachers who work in the black are expected to go to clients' houses, they get last-minute cancellations, and, prestige-wise, are at about the same level as any other kind of domestic worker (which almost do not exist in Italy because it has gotten so difficult to exploit them).

4. This is an inherently sexist country. Well, the whole world is, actually, but the underlying assumptions in Italy are that every hour that is not paid is, well, vacation. This applies only to women, however. A lot of the men who are my age here had mothers who did not work. As a consequence of this and the fact that their fathers probably did not respect the sacrifice the mom was making by staying home, the sons took some crazy ideas with them to our houses where they stay and fester and drive us nutso.

In practical terms, this means that Billed Hours have Value and Preparation Time and Follow-Up do not. Of course, if you do not prepare and follow up, you will not continue to get work. But expect the second you finish that class the expectation is that you get on the bus to come home and walk the dog, or go to the bank or run some other errand that the very busy Dipendente cannot because he is forever working in the office (much harder than you, and bringing home more than you, so please be at his beck and call).

Here is a concrete example. For every hour of teaching, there is another hour of preparation if you want to do a good job. Professional teaching gigs pay more per hour because they take that extra time into consideration (teaching in the black does not). There is usually follow-up bureacracy to do as well. But the Employee does not know this and will always assume that the hour you teach is important but the preparation is not because you are not getting paid expressly for that time. Another reason that Every hour you bill counts even more.

By the way, Business Trips you take as an independent will never be compensated in the same way as the "Trasferta" the dipendente gets (which is why he almost never travels, by the way. It costs the business a fortune and is reserved for the big bosses and outside consultants for exactly this reason).

This means your expenses will be paid, but you will not get anything extra. Try telling that to the Dipendente. He will not understand. Result: the Business Trip is also a Vacation. So schedule in an afternoon flight the day you plan to come home, because it doesn't matter how little you sleep while you are gone, it will be business as usual the second you come home. In many cases, expect to double up on the work at home to "pay back" for the extra dog walks, kid time, and cleaning that you missed.

Conclusion:
Working independently takes self-discipline, grit, and skin like teflon. The outside accolades are few and far between and even those closest to us may not recognize that what what we are doing is really work.

Our job satisfaction must be intrinsic-- as in We have to produce it Ourselves. This is why I spend a great amount of time (and it always gets me in trouble) volunteering. I believe, like Napoleon Hill, that pay must be in many forms besides money, otherwise you will always be underpaid.

But I am a woman working in Italy and being judged by a male employee default, so I feel a pronounced need to to produce accurate data with measurable results. And the only thing that can truly be measured in terms of any kind of "value," unfortunately, is money.

Do not deprive yourself of the one factor that everyone understands-- your yearly salary. You work hard for every penny you make. Declare it with a roar, even if it means you have to give some away. That is the nature of the beast. Own it. If you are consistent you can take comfort in the fact that if your taxes are going up every year, it is because you are increasing your business. And that is always good news.